- He lives vicariously through himself. - He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels. - His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body. - When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad. - His shirts never wrinkle. - He is left-handed and right-handed. - If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there. - The police often question him just because they find him interesting. - His blood smells like cologne. - On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. - His hands feel like rich brown suede. - Cuba imports cigars from him. - Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. - In museums, he is allowed to touch the art. - His business card simply says “I’ll call you.†- He has won the lifetime achievement award, twice. - If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him. - He bowls overhand. - He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks. - He tips an astonishing 100%. - Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut. - Panhandlers give him money. - He divorced his wife because he caught her littering. - His passport requires no photograph. - When he drives a new car off the lot, it increases in value.