P
Pauloondra
Guest
Scene: The Seven Days War between Israel and all its neighbors… Egypt in particular. There is an Egyptian general and his Russian advisor. The Israelis rout the Egyptians.
General, turns to advisor: What do I do?
Advisor: Fall back, regroup and counter attack.
So he does and the Israelis rout them again. This happens again two, three times…both the general and the advisor are pissed at the generally hapless performance of the Egyptians.
General: So I fall back and counter-attack, right?
Advisor: Well, in Russia we usually wait for the snow.
=====
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two nuclear submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny.
On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok on the control board? I'm asking you stupid morons, who threw a valenok on the control board?!".
From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America..."
The Russian captain interrupts him, screaming: "America? America??! There is none of your f*cking America anymore!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who the hell threw a valenok onto the control board?!"
=====
At the railroad station.
A commander announces: - "Guys, your platoon has been assigned to unload luminum, the lightest iron in the world".
A trooper responds, "Permission to speak... It's 'aluminium', not 'luminum', and it's one of the lightest metals in the world, not the lightest 'iron' in the world.".
The commander retorts: "The platoon is going to unload luminum... and the smart one is going to unload 'castum ironum'!"
=====
In the combat theory courses:
"Suppose we have a unit of M tanks... no, M is not enough. Suppose we have a unit of N tanks!"
=====
A Soviet partisan was being sent behind enemy lines. He was given a brief: to board a certain aeroplane that would take him to point M.
There he was to jump with parachute, and when he landed he would find a car waiting to take him where he had to go.
When, the aeroplane reached point M the partisan jumped. He pulled the ring but the parachute didn't open:
'As usual,' thought the partisan. 'Wherever you go, the same old Soviet balls-up. I bet the car won't even be waiting when I get there...'
=====
One morning after a heavy night's drinking an officer woke up and noticed his orderly cleaning his tunic.
'Oh, Vanya,' said the officer, 'did we get pissed last night! And there was one real pig there who was sick all over my tunic.'
'You're absolutely right,' said the orderly, 'he must have been a real pig, because he dumped in your pants as well.'
General, turns to advisor: What do I do?
Advisor: Fall back, regroup and counter attack.
So he does and the Israelis rout them again. This happens again two, three times…both the general and the advisor are pissed at the generally hapless performance of the Egyptians.
General: So I fall back and counter-attack, right?
Advisor: Well, in Russia we usually wait for the snow.
=====
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two nuclear submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny.
On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok on the control board? I'm asking you stupid morons, who threw a valenok on the control board?!".
From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America..."
The Russian captain interrupts him, screaming: "America? America??! There is none of your f*cking America anymore!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who the hell threw a valenok onto the control board?!"
=====
At the railroad station.
A commander announces: - "Guys, your platoon has been assigned to unload luminum, the lightest iron in the world".
A trooper responds, "Permission to speak... It's 'aluminium', not 'luminum', and it's one of the lightest metals in the world, not the lightest 'iron' in the world.".
The commander retorts: "The platoon is going to unload luminum... and the smart one is going to unload 'castum ironum'!"
=====
In the combat theory courses:
"Suppose we have a unit of M tanks... no, M is not enough. Suppose we have a unit of N tanks!"
=====
A Soviet partisan was being sent behind enemy lines. He was given a brief: to board a certain aeroplane that would take him to point M.
There he was to jump with parachute, and when he landed he would find a car waiting to take him where he had to go.
When, the aeroplane reached point M the partisan jumped. He pulled the ring but the parachute didn't open:
'As usual,' thought the partisan. 'Wherever you go, the same old Soviet balls-up. I bet the car won't even be waiting when I get there...'
=====
One morning after a heavy night's drinking an officer woke up and noticed his orderly cleaning his tunic.
'Oh, Vanya,' said the officer, 'did we get pissed last night! And there was one real pig there who was sick all over my tunic.'
'You're absolutely right,' said the orderly, 'he must have been a real pig, because he dumped in your pants as well.'