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PoorOldSpike
Guest
From the ABC TV "Extreme Makeovers" show; before (left) and after (right)-
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Bidermann
Guest
amazing what a wash and a brush can do !
They never seem to do these make overs for Men......Not that we need them...LOL
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PoorOldSpike
Guest
Problem with them womens makeovers is that they dressed and looked boring in the first place because that was their nature, so even though they've been glammed up, they're still bound to be boring on the inside without any real personality and men would soon get fed up with 'em.
That's been my experience in life anyway, if you date a frumpy-looking woman, you're going to be bored out of your skull with her and will soon ditch her.
Real women LIKE to glam themselves up, it shows there's a bit of life in 'em..
I've already mentioned June ("The Corpse") in this forum, she dressed and looked very boring, and when i suggested she could wear a nice colourful dress and stylish shoes, and perhaps have a nice hairdo and a touch of makeup, she yelled "No way! I'm not going to look like a trollop!"
In bed she just lay there like a corpse without moving or making a sound and it was like trying to make love to a sack of potatoes, impossible.
The crunch came when she phoned me for a chat and I said "why are we talking on the phone, why don't you come over?" and she replied "No, I'm going to watch my Billy Elliot video soon", so we drifted apart very quickly after that, b-o-r-i-n-g!
That's been my experience in life anyway, if you date a frumpy-looking woman, you're going to be bored out of your skull with her and will soon ditch her.
Real women LIKE to glam themselves up, it shows there's a bit of life in 'em..
I've already mentioned June ("The Corpse") in this forum, she dressed and looked very boring, and when i suggested she could wear a nice colourful dress and stylish shoes, and perhaps have a nice hairdo and a touch of makeup, she yelled "No way! I'm not going to look like a trollop!"
In bed she just lay there like a corpse without moving or making a sound and it was like trying to make love to a sack of potatoes, impossible.
The crunch came when she phoned me for a chat and I said "why are we talking on the phone, why don't you come over?" and she replied "No, I'm going to watch my Billy Elliot video soon", so we drifted apart very quickly after that, b-o-r-i-n-g!
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Bidermann
Guest
that was a very funny story Poor Old Spike. I see why you have the name Poor Old!! lol
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PoorOldSpike
Guest
Yes I don't seem to have much luck with women mate, all I seem to get are a motley assortment of nuts and sluts, slags and bags.(sniffle)
Nearest I ever came to settling down was about 9 years ago with Kathleen, she was a divorcee and lived with her 18-year-old son in a nice house up in Leicester.
She used to invite me over for a meal about twice a week and we all got on great for about 6 months, but before I could suggest sex or moving into her spare room I blew it.
What happened was that she'd undercooked the bacon one evening and it was like chewing a piece of rubber, and after 20 minutes I still couldn't swallow it, so when she wasn't looking I slung it behind the settee for her cat but it wouldn't touch it.
I meant to pick it up later before she found it but I completely forgot, and she must have found it next day. She never said anything but she was very cool towards me after that.
Something else happened a week or two later when I was sleeping on her settee overnight and needed to take a crap gone midnight, so I crept quietly upstairs to the toilet to avoid waking her and her son, but nothing would come out except a series of loud raspberries, (that always happens if you're trying to sh*t quiet), so I crept back downstairs and into her back yard and perched on her fence and dumped it in her dustbin..
A passing cat spotted me up there and bolted in fear, and I went back to the settee to kip.
I don't know if she saw anything odd in her bin next day, but she hardly spoke to me after that.
Later, she phoned me to ask if I wanted to buy her son's computer but when I told her it wasn't up to spec she went ballistic and yelled down the phone "You're not a very nice man and I don't want to talk to you ever again!", and hung up on me.
I never saw her again, I moved to Plymouth soon after and the last I heard her son had gone backpacking round the world and she was bedridden and alone waiting for a hip replacement.
Sorry missus, you had your chance with me and let me slip through your fingers..
Nearest I ever came to settling down was about 9 years ago with Kathleen, she was a divorcee and lived with her 18-year-old son in a nice house up in Leicester.
She used to invite me over for a meal about twice a week and we all got on great for about 6 months, but before I could suggest sex or moving into her spare room I blew it.
What happened was that she'd undercooked the bacon one evening and it was like chewing a piece of rubber, and after 20 minutes I still couldn't swallow it, so when she wasn't looking I slung it behind the settee for her cat but it wouldn't touch it.
I meant to pick it up later before she found it but I completely forgot, and she must have found it next day. She never said anything but she was very cool towards me after that.
Something else happened a week or two later when I was sleeping on her settee overnight and needed to take a crap gone midnight, so I crept quietly upstairs to the toilet to avoid waking her and her son, but nothing would come out except a series of loud raspberries, (that always happens if you're trying to sh*t quiet), so I crept back downstairs and into her back yard and perched on her fence and dumped it in her dustbin..
A passing cat spotted me up there and bolted in fear, and I went back to the settee to kip.
I don't know if she saw anything odd in her bin next day, but she hardly spoke to me after that.
Later, she phoned me to ask if I wanted to buy her son's computer but when I told her it wasn't up to spec she went ballistic and yelled down the phone "You're not a very nice man and I don't want to talk to you ever again!", and hung up on me.
I never saw her again, I moved to Plymouth soon after and the last I heard her son had gone backpacking round the world and she was bedridden and alone waiting for a hip replacement.
Sorry missus, you had your chance with me and let me slip through your fingers..
Throwing bacon behind the settee and crapping in her back yard at night.
What's not to like? FDLMAO!
What's not to like? FDLMAO!
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Bert Blitzkrieg
Guest
POS, you should sell your storys. They can make a sitcom out of it. They are very funny. First time I can write "LOL" nd not lie !
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Bidermann
Guest
OMG !! The things you do, as Bert said you should sell your stories.
Alright. You got me. I don't care who you are. That's funny right there.