mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
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8. The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed.... I need bail money.
9. Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
10. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
11. The adult version of "head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "wallet, glasses, keys and phone."
12. A dog accepts you as the boss... a cat wants to see your resume.
13. Oops.... did I roll my eyes out loud?
14. Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
15. Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
16. If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed; we're having a staff meeting.
17. I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
18. Some people call me crazy. I prefer ‘happy with a twist’.
19. My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
20. I really don't mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
21. Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
22. Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn't an official job title.
23. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
24. The world's best antidepressant has 4 legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
25. Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
26. I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
27. If you're happy and you still know it, it's your meds.
9. Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
10. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
11. The adult version of "head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "wallet, glasses, keys and phone."
12. A dog accepts you as the boss... a cat wants to see your resume.
13. Oops.... did I roll my eyes out loud?
14. Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
15. Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
16. If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed; we're having a staff meeting.
17. I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
18. Some people call me crazy. I prefer ‘happy with a twist’.
19. My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
20. I really don't mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
21. Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
22. Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn't an official job title.
23. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
24. The world's best antidepressant has 4 legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
25. Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
26. I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
27. If you're happy and you still know it, it's your meds.
#8, "We just laughed and laughed" 
#19, I can relate to that one.
#24, So true.
#19, I can relate to that one.
#24, So true.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2010
- Messages
- 12,786
- Reaction score
- 7,590
- Age
- 61
Pretty much covers mine.
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Alaska Cabin Rental
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- Joined
- Oct 11, 2010
- Messages
- 12,786
- Reaction score
- 7,590
- Age
- 61
Last night, I had a horrifying dream that disco was actually making a come back.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
- Gloria Gaynor
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
- Gloria Gaynor
