mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
- Start date
Back to my roots:
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What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?
A faux pa.
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Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring their own boos.
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Someone stole all my lamps and you'd think I'd be upset...but I'm actually delighted.
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I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing with my life.
It's called an oughtobiography.
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Bada boom!
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What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?
A faux pa.
---
Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring their own boos.
---
Someone stole all my lamps and you'd think I'd be upset...but I'm actually delighted.
---
I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing with my life.
It's called an oughtobiography.
---
Bada boom!
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Hmmm . . . I find cisgender so confusing . . . . 
Her: Now that we're married you can quit riding that stupid motorcycle.
Me: You're beginning to sound like my ex-wife.
Her: What? You told me you'd never been married before.
Me: I haven't been.
Me: You're beginning to sound like my ex-wife.
Her: What? You told me you'd never been married before.
Me: I haven't been.
Educated people are a lot hotter than uneducated people. They have more degrees.
In England, "booster shot" is spelled "borchestershire shot".
long islands are the ultimate velvet hammer
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Uh, that's not the ocean.
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I just had a physical.
The doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "Like bacon and burgers?"
He said, "No, fatty. Don’t eat anything!"
I demanded a second opinion.
He said "Fine! You're not just fat, you're ugly too!"
The doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "Like bacon and burgers?"
He said, "No, fatty. Don’t eat anything!"
I demanded a second opinion.
He said "Fine! You're not just fat, you're ugly too!"
Me: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Him: If you say addict-ionary I swear I'll cut you.
Me: I was going to say "high-definition" but yours is better.
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There's nothing like it when your game loads for a couple of seconds and you see yourself in the black mirror
of your monitor and you have a brief clearness of mind and think..."What the fook am I doing with my life?"
And then the happy colors come back and you forget all your problems.
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While I do subscribe to the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" philosophy there is a definite case to be made for
"Slightly Irritated wife, Amusing Life" theory as well.
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My body is not a temple. It is a Federation starship with critical hull damage and shields at 0%.
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Some of my friends exercise every day.
Meanwhile, I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.
Him: If you say addict-ionary I swear I'll cut you.
Me: I was going to say "high-definition" but yours is better.
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There's nothing like it when your game loads for a couple of seconds and you see yourself in the black mirror
of your monitor and you have a brief clearness of mind and think..."What the fook am I doing with my life?"
And then the happy colors come back and you forget all your problems.
----
While I do subscribe to the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" philosophy there is a definite case to be made for
"Slightly Irritated wife, Amusing Life" theory as well.
----
My body is not a temple. It is a Federation starship with critical hull damage and shields at 0%.
----
Some of my friends exercise every day.
Meanwhile, I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.
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Me: How do Romulan frogs hide from predators?
You: I don't know. How?
Me: They use a croaking device.
You:
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Me: Why are there poptarts but no momtarts?
You: No idea
Me: It is because it is a pastryarchy.
You: I don't know. How?
Me: They use a croaking device.
You:
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Me: Why are there poptarts but no momtarts?
You: No idea
Me: It is because it is a pastryarchy.
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If there were a "Roll Your Eyes" emoji I would have worn it out by now.
Thanks mTk always good to start the morning off with a grin.
Thanks mTk always good to start the morning off with a grin.
I like that one.
I'll pass that on....
I'll pass that on....
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender "I'll take a beer and a mop."
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He says to the bartender "I'll take a beer and a mop."
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Always good to have a plan.
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