- Joined
- Oct 11, 2010
- Messages
- 12,599
- Reaction score
- 7,301
- Age
- 60
mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
- Start date
"Jeeves?" 
One simply cannot make this s*** up!
Darwin has clearly missed a few.
-----
"Went to the museum on a date and she was laughing when we got to the dinosaur
bones. I asked what was so funny, and she confidently said that dinosaurs never existed.
She thought they didn’t exist because she had seen them in cartoons so they couldn’t
possibly be real. She was 22."
-----
"My husband and I were looking for a new car. I wanted a regular car, and he wanted a
convertible. It was 74 degrees outside and sunny, and he got mad at me for opening the
sunroof in my car. The sun was burning his face, he said. We did not buy a convertible."
-----
"I told him my best friend and I were planning a trip to Australia. After telling him how long
the flights would be, he said, 'You guys don’t want to drive there?' We live in Canada."
-----
"I’m a male. My date wanted to know when I was on my period so that we could have sex and
she would not get pregnant. She was over 25 years old."
-----
"She was having a debate with an employee and finally said, 'Vietnam isn’t a COUNTRY, it’s a
WAR.'"
-----
"A guy I had been dating was staying over at my place a couple of days a week when I noticed
that every day he made toast, he would pick up the entire toaster and carry it across my large
kitchen to plug it in and use there. After observing this on several occasions, I asked him why he
was doing this. He replied that he was moving the toaster closer to the loaf of bread.
I was dumbfounded for a second, then asked him if he thought it might be a tad easier to take the
bread to the toaster.
The blank stare was all I needed to back slowly away from this Einstein."
-----
"First date with a girl, and before we get to the restaurant, she mentions she’s vegetarian. No problem,
I chose a place that serves a lot of choices. We sit down, and she orders a steak. I asked her to clarify if
she was vegetarian. She says, 'Yes, but this is from the meat factory, so it’s OK.' This was decades before
the whole Impossible Meat craze.
The waitress looked at me and said to me, 'I don’t think she’s going to work out for us, babe.' Playing
along, I said, 'Prob not.' The girl got mad and left, so I got to enjoy a nice steak with the waitress on her
break, who I later married."
-----
I think I need to lie down.
Right now.
Darwin has clearly missed a few.
-----
"Went to the museum on a date and she was laughing when we got to the dinosaur
bones. I asked what was so funny, and she confidently said that dinosaurs never existed.
She thought they didn’t exist because she had seen them in cartoons so they couldn’t
possibly be real. She was 22."
-----
"My husband and I were looking for a new car. I wanted a regular car, and he wanted a
convertible. It was 74 degrees outside and sunny, and he got mad at me for opening the
sunroof in my car. The sun was burning his face, he said. We did not buy a convertible."
-----
"I told him my best friend and I were planning a trip to Australia. After telling him how long
the flights would be, he said, 'You guys don’t want to drive there?' We live in Canada."
-----
"I’m a male. My date wanted to know when I was on my period so that we could have sex and
she would not get pregnant. She was over 25 years old."
-----
"She was having a debate with an employee and finally said, 'Vietnam isn’t a COUNTRY, it’s a
WAR.'"
-----
"A guy I had been dating was staying over at my place a couple of days a week when I noticed
that every day he made toast, he would pick up the entire toaster and carry it across my large
kitchen to plug it in and use there. After observing this on several occasions, I asked him why he
was doing this. He replied that he was moving the toaster closer to the loaf of bread.
I was dumbfounded for a second, then asked him if he thought it might be a tad easier to take the
bread to the toaster.
The blank stare was all I needed to back slowly away from this Einstein."
-----
"First date with a girl, and before we get to the restaurant, she mentions she’s vegetarian. No problem,
I chose a place that serves a lot of choices. We sit down, and she orders a steak. I asked her to clarify if
she was vegetarian. She says, 'Yes, but this is from the meat factory, so it’s OK.' This was decades before
the whole Impossible Meat craze.
The waitress looked at me and said to me, 'I don’t think she’s going to work out for us, babe.' Playing
along, I said, 'Prob not.' The girl got mad and left, so I got to enjoy a nice steak with the waitress on her
break, who I later married."
-----
I think I need to lie down.
Right now.
Yeah, nothing too funny about that one is there?
The fastest land mammal is...a toddler who's been asked what's in their mouth.
They always miss their shots!
----
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What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
Thunderwear.
