mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
- Start date
My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for two weeks
and see how people react.
So far he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!
I am curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
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Me: Do you have any children?
Her: Yes, I have one that is just under two.
Me: I know how many one is.
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After six weeks, $140 in supplies, and daily watering, we are only 3-4 weeks away from enjoying a single 25 cent
vegetable from our garden.
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If snails are so slow, how come nobody sees them coming? It's always like bam there's a snail!
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Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
and see how people react.
So far he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!
I am curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
----
Me: Do you have any children?
Her: Yes, I have one that is just under two.
Me: I know how many one is.
----
After six weeks, $140 in supplies, and daily watering, we are only 3-4 weeks away from enjoying a single 25 cent
vegetable from our garden.
----
If snails are so slow, how come nobody sees them coming? It's always like bam there's a snail!
----
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
"I know how many one is" 
Turquoise is the best color in the world.
It is cyantifically proven.
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** Cashier checks my ID in half a second. **
Me: "That was fast."
Cashier: "Yeah, I saw the 19."
Me:
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Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary?
Now you're going 80 mph, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
It is cyantifically proven.
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** Cashier checks my ID in half a second. **
Me: "That was fast."
Cashier: "Yeah, I saw the 19."
Me:
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Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary?
Now you're going 80 mph, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
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Too bad there wasn't a "roll your eyes" emoji.
Probably wear out that button.
Probably wear out that button.
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her front pocket and thinks:
Some asshole has my pen.
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Some asshole has my pen.
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I still don't.
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Me: Any idea how my house burned down?
Fireman: Fireworks.
Me: Yeah, I guess it does.
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Fireman: Fireworks.
Me: Yeah, I guess it does.
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At a hotel restaurant a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man,
and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to disturb you. Let me
buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I have ever encountered. Are you this
nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies. You just happened to catch my eye."
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(Don't hate me.)
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man,
and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to disturb you. Let me
buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I have ever encountered. Are you this
nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies. You just happened to catch my eye."
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(Don't hate me.)
Married wisdom.
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Me: Sorry. I can't come to work today the stress is bad for the baby.
My Boss: What baby?
Me: Me.
My Boss: What baby?
Me: Me.
I've got some bad news...
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I want one!
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