mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!

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Mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender say, "We don't serve your kind in here."
Mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungi."
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A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "I'll have five beers please."
(Not gonna explain it)
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A skeleton walks into a bar.
Asks for a beer and a mop.
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Grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
Grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Steve?"
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And the crowd goes M I L D.
 
Rico said:
For @mTk

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard standing on his hind legs telling jokes.

I said to my guide ‘Now THAT’S a funny lizard!’

He said, ‘That’s not a lizard, that’s a stand-up chameleon!’
Click to expand...
Are you sure that chameleon was’nt trying to sell you a Geico policy?
 
mTk said:
Mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender say, "We don't serve your kind in here."
Mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungi."
-----
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "I'll have five beers please."
(Not gonna explain it)
-----
A skeleton walks into a bar.
Asks for a beer and a mop.
-----
Grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
Grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Steve?"
-----
And the crowd goes M I L D.
Click to expand...
I laughed V times btw... ;)
 
I swallowed some food coloring.
That's not so bad.
I feel like a dyed a little inside.
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A rancher counts his cows and has 196 of them.
But when he rounded them up he had 200, Carl!
He rounded them up!
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When you get a bladder infection...urine trouble.
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I have a pencil that was owned by Wm. Shakespeare.
Unfortunately, he chewed on it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's a 2B or not 2B.
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A soldier ran up to a nun, he was out of breath and asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later". The nun agreed.

Not long after this, two military police officers ran up and asked, "Sister have you seen a soldier around here?"

The nun pointed and replied, "He went that way."

After the Military Police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her long skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough sister. You see, I just don't want to go on barrack guard."

The nun said she understood completely.

The soldier added, "I hope you don't mind me mentioning, but you have a great pair of legs."

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls ... I don't want to be on guard either."
 
"How much do you pay for rent?"
"$900 plus parking tickets."
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Thou shalt wear a mask in public.
- Hygenesis 3.16
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The most revolting thing about middle age is seeing a
zucchini and carrot muffin and thinking "that looks delightful."
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So, my wife doesn't like the shampoo she bought.
I'll give you two guesses who's gonna be smelling like cucumber-melon for the next 5 weeks.
 
Satan: Welcome to Hell. I want all of us to be friends here.
Me: Huh. This doesn't seem so bad.
Satan: So, everyone go around in the circle and say a little bit about yourself.
Me:
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Becoming a grandparent is the one time it is acceptable to choose your own nickname.
People blow it every time! Why would you want be "Grampy" when you could be "DeathBlade?"
FYI: I didn't blow it. My grandsons know me as "Dude."
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Almost left the grocery store without buying a package of Spring Mix to throw, unopened, into the garbage in two weeks.
 
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