mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!

steve · Jul 30, 2020

I am fed up at not being able to have a holiday
So I have been busy in the shed making my very own spaceship, converting my lawnmower.....
I am going to fly to the sun
I have a cunning plan so I donâ€™t suffer sunburn......I am going at night.....what could possibly go wrong.....,,

mTk · Jul 31, 2020

mTk · Jul 31, 2020

You know what's really odd?
Numbers not divisible by two.
That joke was so bad I can't even.
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It turns out being in your 30's just means
you get excited about different flavors of hummus.
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Diner: There are so many types of pasta.
Waiter: [Required to say this] Yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless.
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Mountains aren't just funny.
They are hill areas.
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19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

mTk · Aug 1, 2020

mTk · Aug 1, 2020

It was hot today.
I stripped off all my clothes and opened up all the windows.
Somebody complained and I got thrown off the bus.

HOA_KSOP · Aug 1, 2020

mTk said:

Can we See More?

mTk · Aug 2, 2020

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mTk · Aug 2, 2020

I was on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, "I don't have time for this shit!"
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People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a very good electrician.
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Nice try people named Tristan.
Or should I say Stan, Stan, Stan?
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Shout out to people who wonder what the opposite of in is.
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And finally, the best for last...
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mTk · Aug 3, 2020

I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, "Do you have a criminal record?"
I said, "No, is that still required?"
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When life gives you melons...you're dyslexic.
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For someone who didn't start the fire, Billy Joel is sure defensive about it

mTk · Aug 5, 2020

I just got kicked out of the flat earth Facebook group because I asked
if the 6' social distancing guideline had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
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A lot of people think things slow down as you get older, but we had two
humming birds at the feeder at the same time this morning and I'm still
buzzing from the excitement.

mTk · Aug 9, 2020

In 20 years when kids ask about the 2020 toilet paper shortage,
I'm telling them that we had to drag our butts across the lawn.
In the snow.
Up hill, both ways.
Dodging Murder Hornets!
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A train conductor is drunk on the job and crashes his train, killing several on board.
For his crime, he's convicted to die in the electric chair.
But, when the switch is thrown, nothing happens to him.
Turns out he was a bad conductor.

mTk · Aug 9, 2020

When I was a kid my English teacher looked my way and said, "Name two pronouns."
I said, "Who, me?"
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Why can't you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
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A photon checks into a hotel and the bell hop asks him if he has any luggage.
The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light.

mTk · Aug 11, 2020

I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord.
So, I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

HOA_KSOP · Aug 11, 2020

mTk said:
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord.
So, I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

Watt sparked the change? Good that he could switch., nice to see he's plugged back into life. Clearly he was amped up if he's chewing on cords, good to see you could breaker him from that because that is such a revolting behavior.

steve · Aug 11, 2020

HOA_KSOP said:
Watt sparked the change? Good that he could switch., nice to see he's plugged back into life. Clearly he was amped up if he's chewing on cords, good to see you could breaker him from that because that is such a revolting behavior.

Shocking.......